Thursday night (Sept. 9) is Anything Can Happen Night. Under normal circumstances, we could count on "Big Brother 5" featuring the usual assortment of filler, tear-filled evictions, filler, scenes from the Jury House, filler and a crucial Head of Household competition. If there were any time leftover, it's a reasonable supposition that we'd get more filler.

However, Thursday night isn't a normal night. Perhaps it's chilly in the CBS studios. Perhaps she has an unfortunate rash. Perhaps she's sprouted an embarrassing extra head on her arm. Perhaps Les Moonves finally laid down the law on decent attire. One way or other, a minor miracle has occurred. Julie Chen's shoulders are covered. It's the kind of small detail that restores your faith in the unexpected and suggests that all things are truly possible.

After that initial surprise, everything else in the episode is a disappointment. It's like if "Citizen Kane" began with an old man dropping a snow globe and moaning, "Darn I miss my childhood sled, Rosebud." Where can you go from there?

The show begins where Tuesday's left off. Karen is nervous about possible eviction, but Diane lies and promises her that she's safe. Karen seems afraid to open her mouth, mumbling through her teeth. Then again, if Karen is a ventriloquist, Diane must be the dummy and I'm comfortable with that.

Pretty Boy Drew and Rhinestone Cowboy are nervous that Diane might spill the beans about her alliance with the boys to Nakomis and Karen. They need not worry. Diane lies up a storm. Nakomis doesn't suspect a thing, and while Karen isn't sure, she figures Diane is too stupid to pull off such a big lie. If Karen goes home tonight, she's going to lose because every single time she had an instinct about something, she hemmed and hawed and then went the wrong way. She's a sympathetic figure in this game, but she's subscribed to the Chance the Gardener school of strategy suggesting that sometimes just being there is enough to succeed.

What, Julie Chen inquires, has been Karen's strategy to make it this far? In the Diary Room, Karen explains that she's had a very detailed strategy. Apparently that diabolical plan has only been available to people willing to pay extra money for the live feeds. Those of us who have only dedicated three hours a week to this show have mostly seen her fluctuate wildly between irrationally crazy and lumpish. A compelling montage suggests that Karen has, indeed, gone out of her way to be friendly and non-threatening. That's why she's about to become Diane's patsy.

It's time for a conversation with Nakomis in the HoH room, an entertaining opportunity to see what kinds of archaic slag she's gonna whip out this week. Bee's knees? Cat's meow? Cruising for a bruising? Fat City? Razz my berries? What's buzzin' cousin? Word from the bird? Alas, Nakomis is so deep in game mode that she can't be bothered to entertain me.

In the Jury House, Will has survived his first week trapped with Natalie, but little does he know that he's about to be joined by the second Wonder Twin. Like the Count of Monte Cristo, his elaborate revenge fantasy has come to fruition, but now he's caught between his soulless elation and the frustration of having to spend extra time with the Gruesome Twosome. They get to sit down for more game footage (Will declares he's "Ready, Teddy") and even the casual viewing party degenerates into bickering.

"They're like two psychotic cocker spaniels gnawing at the same piece of raw meat," Will comments.

Into the heart of this ongoing feud comes Marvin. Finally Will gets to hang out with somebody he doesn't hate.

"A brother gets locked up, he'll kiss Nakomis," Marvin tells the jury members, explaining his attempts to split up Drew and Diane with an ill-fated kiss. I miss Marvin. None of the remaining players is capable of an articulate complete sentence, much less witty turns of phrase.

It's a very swift live vote. First Diane stabs Karen in the back by voting her former alliance buddy out of the game. She tried to make a sad face, but it looks like she just has gas. Drew casts the deciding vote to send Karen on her way.

Karen puts on a happy face when the results are read, but she leaves in tears, telling Diane that even Marvin wasn't backdoored. Nakomis is annoyed, but swears to Diane that she understands that it's all a game. Diane justifies herself by explaining that the only pinky she touched was Nakomis'. Then she makes another attempt at pretending to cry and show emotion, but tears can't escape from her burnt ducts. After a failed stab at humanity, Diane gets indignant and taunts Drew. She starts to swear as the live coverage cuts her off.

Chatting with Julie, Karen has some sense that she made mistakes earlier in the game by keeping her word to people who wouldn't keep their word to her. She condemns Drew and Diane as the house's evil power couple and cries. Julie offers a sympathetic and inexplicably covered shoulder to cry on.

It's an important Head of Household competition. The winner will have an inordinate amount of power. The game requires Drew, Cowboy and Diane to remember the chronology of the season's events. It's an interminable game, particularly since the whole season is just a blur to me at this point. Drew's memory of the show reigns supreme and he becomes the new HoH. Who will Diane tell Drew to put up for eviction? Stay tuned.